Utensils According to Xander

Alexander: "Are sporks what Chinese people use to eat?"

A Collection of Quotes

These quotes from my kids were all previously posted on Facebook, but I thought I'd post them here too, for posterity and for those who don't have Facebook.

From Alexander:

"Can you find some ways that are non-standard for pulling out teeth?"

"If I were president, I would make a law that spies would have to work every day and I would want everyone to be healthy so the only days they could eat candy would be birthdays and holidays. Also people would not have to get out of the car to get gas; they would just have to press a button and it would come out automatically. I would make someone invent that system. "

"You know, Mom, people only say that Santa will only bring presents to good kids to scare kids into wanting to be good, but that's not true."

"That doesn't make sense. You used a double negative."

Alexander referred to the Ravens as the Voldemort Ravens. (Voldemort is the Bad Guy in the Harry Potter series. Alexander misheard "Baltimore" as "Voldemort.")

Alexander's reaction to his first root beer float: "Mmmm! This tastes like ice cream with root beer on it!"

From Jack:

"Alexander, let's play 'Alexander and Jack,' where we be ourselves."

"Pop Tarts are dangerous."

From Kai: (to be fair, Kai's quotes are not funny. I am just impressed that he is already putting together quite a few three word sentences. He's also developing an expansive vocabulary!)

"Want go night night."

"Want get down."

"Where Allie go?"

"Bear dirty?"

As we passed a McDonald's: "Chicken?"

Vocabulary Word of the Day: Irony

Alexander: That just doesn't seem necessary.

My cousin: You have a very good vocabulary.

Alexander: What's a "vocabulary?"

Everyone's Good at Something

Scout Store Lady to Alexander: You are a Tiger Cub?
Alexander: Yep!
Scout Store Lady: Wow, you are a big Tiger Cub!
Alexander: Well, I will tell you why. I am six years old!
Scout Store Lady: Well, you are a big six-year-old!
Alexander: Well, I am good at growing.

More Brotherly Love

Alexander: Jack, I really hate to admit this, but I actually prefer when you sleep in our room with me all night and not go to Mommy's room.

Secrets

Your daily "Aw!" brought to you by my sons Alexander and Jack:

Alexander: I have a secret that only Jack can hear.
Me: Okay, then you better whisper it in his ear.
Alexander (stage whispering into Jack's ear): I love you.
Jack: I have a secret only Alexander can hear. (stage whispers into Alexander's ear) I love you.

Do you think they're going to mind that I shared their secret?

Alexander's Mother's Day Song

Alexander just sang me a lovely song, with guitar accompaniment, which he says he will sing to me every Mother's Day.

"I love you, I love you, I love you"
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you no matter what!
I'll always love you and you'll always love me just like I'll always love you!
And whenever I'm sad you'll come right up to me and I will say please give me a hug.

He gets this from his Dad, NOT me!

Alexander (this morning, catching a glimpse of his reflection in the entertainment center glass): What is up with my hair today?!

Now THAT'S logic

Alexander: Mom, can I have a piece of lemon meringue pie?
Me: No, you need to have something healthy.
Alexander: But lemon meringue pie has lemons in it and lemons are fruit.

I seem to remember a certain brother of mine who argued that pickles should count as a vegetable. Right with ya, bro. Pickles and ketchup.

Someone Needs More Culture...

Upon seeing the Olympic rings symbol...
Alexander: Hey, look! This is the Mario and Sonic Olympic picture!
Me: No, that is the symbol for the actual Olympics. Do you know what the Olympics are?
Alexander: No.
Me: It is when athletes from a bunch of different countries get together to participate in different competitions. It is a way that countries are friends with each other. Like in the Summer Olympics, they have volleyball competitions and running races and in the Winter Olympics they have skiing and ice skating.
Alexander: The Winter Olympics? Is that like that show we saw when there was that grown-up named Charlie Brown and he kept falling off stuff?
Me: Ummm.... No. You're thinking of Winter Wipe-Out. **hangs head in shame that child thinks Olympic Rings are about a video game, and that the Olympics are actually a ridiculous game show**

(This one probably loses something in the telling, but I have to record it for ME! Alexander watched one episode of Winter Wipe-Out, which stuck in his mind because the hosts were joking that a contestant's name was Charlie Brown.)

My Child: The Prophet

This was a totally random "announcement" by Alexander the other day.

"Today I went on a field trip to God and I said a prayer and I asked God a question. And I heard a voice, loud and thick, that no one has ever heard and it said, 'Yes, Alexander.' And it must have been God, because God knows everyone's name."

Um... okay, then.

Kids say...

Alexander: I don't like sneaky unless I am the one doing the sneaking.
*****
Jack: We should have anteater. And stinkbug eater.

Iron Man!

Alexander (to Jack, who was wearing Iron Man pajamas): Hey, Iron Man! Go iron my clothes!

He was completely serious... as in, I am pretty sure that he thinks that Iron Man's super power is to iron.

Quotes

Alexander: Mom, Jack got in my brain!
*********
(At the ice cream parlor)
Alexander: Mom, is Double Fudge Squirrel made out of squirrel skin or is it just called squirrel?
Me: It's not "Double Fudge Squirrel!" It's "Double Fudge Swirl!"

A Witty Title

Literary Alexander: I am going to wash my face until it shines like the sun!
* * * * * * * * * *
Comic Alexander: Did I forget to put on my pants?
* * * * * * * * * *
Sweet Alexander: Daddy, we were made to be together.

Spring According to Xander

In order to escape our House of Sick today (Jack has the Pukey Plague), Justin and Alexander went for a nice long walk. Before they left, I asked Alexander if he would check for any signs that Spring is on it's way. I am so ready for Spring. He decided that he should probably take along a clip-board, paper, and markers so that he could "make observations."

Here are his observations (spelling is corrected although he is improving on that front):
-I see that a lot of snow is melting.
-Birds and animals are coming out.
-The cars are drying.
-The chair is in someone's backyard.
-More green grass is growing.
-The sun is getting more hot.
-People are playing outside more.
-Houses are not getting snowy.
-People are taking walks.
-The water is flowing.
-People are bringing bikes places.
-People are bringing dogs with them when they go on walks.
-Ducks are coming.
-People are looking at the lake.
-Fish are out.
-People are roller skating.
-The sprinklers in the lake are spraying faster.
-People are fishing.
-The sun is shining on windows.
-Plants are growing in the rocks.
-There are puddles.
-The ice cream store is open.

I was really impressed with his observations, with his eagerness to make them, with his handwriting and spelling, and just the fact that an active little boy chose to write that many sentences purely of his own volition! It just goes to show what a difference it makes when a child is engaged in their learning.

He made one more important observation as they neared the ice cream store. "I get a little more love in my heart every time I see the ice cream store because I love ice cream!" And yes, Justin was easily convinced to split a hot fudge sundae with him!

And he marches to the beat of a different drummer, too!

Scene: A snow day dance party/ pillow fight.

Music: Row, row, row your boat!
Me: (leading the kids around in a dance) C'mon everybody, row your boats!
Alexander: Mine's a motor boat.

Like an Ox

Alexander (in reference to Jack's refusal to hold my hand while crossing a street): Mom, was I that stubborn when I was a little kid?

More from the Mouths of Babes

Alexander: Babies R Us? Do they sell babies?
Me: No, they sell stuff for babies.
Alexander: But Toys R Us sells toys. Hehe. Ya know, I think Toys R Us should be called Toys FOR Us!

Me: (singing the song "Fat Lip" by Sum 41) Don't count on me...
Jack: Why you talkin' bout Donkey Kong?

The power to clear a room?

I love how random my kids are. Well, most of the time I love it.

Alexander: The first time I ever farted, I got my first super power.

And, in a different conversation:

Me: Jack, do you think I was ever a baby?
Jack: No, that funny.
Me: Yes, I was. Everyone starts out as a baby. And some day you will be a grown-up.
Jack: And then me still love pickles.
(No, we were not eating pickles at the time. This was completely random.)